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Blurty for Nuwanda.
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| Friday, November 6th, 2009 |
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p. 35 "I've lived in good climate, and it bores the hell out of me. I like weather rather than climate." p. 39 "I cultivate this beard not for the usual given reasons of skin trouble or pain of shaving, nor for the secret purpose of covering a weak chin, but as pure unblushing decoration, much as a peacock finds pleasure in his tail. And finally, in our time a beard is the one thing a woman cannot do better than a man, or if she can her success is assured only in a circus." p. 45 "She wasn't happy, but then she wasn't unhappy. She wasn't anything. But I don't believe anyone is a nothing. There has to be something inside, if only to keep the skin from collapsing." p. 108 "I'll tell you what it was like. Go to the Ufizzi in Florence, the Louvre in Paris, and you are so crushed with the numbers, once the might of greatness, that you go away distressed, with a feeling like constipation. And then when you are alone and remembering, the canvasses sort themselves out; some are eliminated by your taste or your limitations, but others stand up clear and clean. Then you can go back to look at one thing untroubled by the shouts of the multitude." Also: Greco--San Pablo con un Libro p. 129 "Of course, it is the planned escape route from the bomb that hasn't been dropped. Here in the middle of the Middle West an escape route, a road designed by fear. In my mind I could see it because I have seen people running away--the roads clogged to a standstill and the stampede over the cliff of our own designing. And suddenly I thought of that valley of the turkeys and wondered how I could have the gall to think turkeys stupid. Indeed, thay have an advantage over us. They're good to eat. It took me nearly four hours to get through the Twin Cities. I've heard that some parts of them are beautiful. And I never found Golden Valley. Charley was no help. He wasn't involved with a race that could build a thing it had to escape from. He didn't want to go to the moon just to get the hell away from it all. Confronted with our stupidities, Charley accepts them for what they are--stupidities." p. 136 "And I found with joy that the fact of Fargo had in no way disturbed my mind's picture of it. I could still think of Fargo as I always had--blizzard-riven, heat-blasted, dust-raddled. I am happy to report that in the war between reality and romance, reality is not the stronger." p. 207 "I discovered long ago in collecting and classifying marine animals that what I found was closely intermeshed with how I felt at the moment. External reality has a way of being not so external after all." p. 221 "Charley watched the operation with some interest. His tail made delicate conversation. 'Anybody saw you make a birthday cake for a dog that he don't even know when's his birthday would think you were nuts.' 'If you can't manage any better grammar than that with your tail, maybe it's a good thing you can't talk.'" |
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| Sunday, November 1st, 2009 |
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| "The outpatients are all out in force tonight I see..." - Tom Lehrer | ||||
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| Saturday, October 31st, 2009 |
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:D!!! I just discovered my new favorite snack. One egg (minus half the yolk) plus a splash of milk and a lot of salt and pepper, mixed together and microwaved for a minute, and stirred with a bit of ketchup. I think it might have saved my life a little. Wes asked me to call her today, and I planned on it, but she called me first during a ludicrously inopportune time. I took the dogs for their walk by the river despite the flood warnings, and as we were walking in what Iowans might consider gale force winds, I perceived (or very likely just imagined) the river getting higher, which was scary since it was only a few feet from the path and we'd stepped through puddles to get there in the first place. Well, she rang just as I was taking pictures of the life-threatening situation I'd voluntarily put us in, so I chose to ignore her. We got out of there fast, but there was still even more water to wade through to get out of there. Anyway, I called her back later but got her voicemail (thank the Great Pumpkin). Also, Tim wrote me just to say his girlfriend texted him about something Carole did at McDonalds. Ha. Haha. I've been listening to this Ghost Adventures Live special for the past few hours, and it is absolutely ridiculous. I'm growing more and more skeptical and more and more cynical in my old age, and I kind of like it. That Zak is such a fucking tool though... speaking of which, while it's "live" it must be on a bit of a delay because curse words keep getting bleeped out... but three "fucks" still managed to slip through. Ha. Haha. Did a lot of cleaning in the kitchen today, washed Ichabod's bowl, got some things for tomorrow's lunch ready, watched some of The Office, and did a hell of a lot of trick-or-treating. Speaking of which, A gave me the haunted house habitat (20 gold!) and said again that it just seemed appropriate. Is he trying to win me over, or is he just succeeding in it by accident? Guess we all know the key to my heart now. Spoil spoil spoil. I'm so excited for tomorrow. I love Halloween, and while it might be fun to actually spend it doing something with other people again, the prospect of spending the day alone with my dogs eating a big salad and watching the Night of the Living Dead marathon is nothing to frown about. In fact, it's pretty much exactly what I would choose to be doing on any given day. If only we had popcorn balls... |
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| Thursday, October 29th, 2009 |
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Today: * Got up super early (well... nine...) to check my stupid (fluff)candles. * Mom and Dad left for Wisconsin * Downpour all day * I listened to music for the first time on the Gazelle. It worked well for awhile. * Still have .9 miles to go. * Rented The Orphan (like to really like... need to watch again) and Dawn of the Dead, which I still have to watch * Went to Wal-Mart for eyeliner, the bank to cash a GPS rebate check, Trinkets for nothing, Sub City (I still feel the mayonnaise in my system...), Family Video, and the library for Fun Home, which I'm pretty excited about * Ate: two eggs whites + 1/2 yolk, scrambled. One piece light toast. Half slice American cheese. Ketchup for dipping. One Hash brown patty. 6 malted milk balls. Turkey & provolone half sub (w/mayo, pickles & olives). Fun size Crunch Bar. Three or four Sprees. Thinking of having some broccoli before or after those .9 miles. Hmm. After. * PROJECT RUNWAY DAY! Logan is gone, and Christopher is STILL there. The only thing keeping me from throwing a fit is the fact that he's from Minnesota and my total lack of real interest in this season * Andy called for weird chit chat * Jenna DIDN'T call back (whew?) * I've lost more weight. Woo woo woo. * Oh. Mom sent me a picture message of Dad in a jacuzzi. * Ew. * And A gave me a gummy pumpkin. * Aw. |
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| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 |
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According to the Jurassic bathroom scale, I've lost over forty pounds. Whoops. |
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009 |
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Today: * I ate--two small pancakes with syrup and butter. One taco with nachos and cheese. Five gummy Lifesavers. Two pieces of frozen pizza. One bite of a cinnamon roll. * I ran into Tyler while I was walking. I said "holy shit" and kept on walking. Uh... * I walked the usual six miles. * Osman mentioned my new vampire profile picture. Ha. * Short, spontaneous a-mail. He wrote he *just had* to get me some Halloween decorations as it would have been rude not to. Awwwwww. * I wrote back with a hug. So kill me. * I guess Wes still plans on me heading up there this weekend. Hyuck hyuck. Gorsh. * I fell even more in love with the guy who played Rifraf in/wrote RHPS. If that's even possible. * ... * All-State auditions were six years ago!!!!!! |
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| Friday, October 23rd, 2009 |
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My worst nightmare is that someone will someday inform me that I look like a modern day Mama Cass. I love you and all, Cass, but a ham sandwich joke is the last thing I need. Guess it is better than an incest joke, though. |
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Today I: * walked all 6 miles on the Gazelle since it was raining steadily all day. Hard. Work. * watched a cancer episode of Arthur followed by a heart attack episode of Little People Big World * remembered how much I love that Oprah/Black Eyed Peas video * fell in love with Jim Halpert again * wrote Tim a message regarding a picture I found on AFP * got a "How ya been" type comment from Jenny * ordered 28 Days Later for under five bucks!!!!! * remembered I have to see A&E this weekend... ehhhh... * was given some Halloween goodies from Mom, including two headbands, a nightlight, and some Lifesavers * forgot Seth Meyers was at Wartburg tonight. Whoops. * witnessed Nickolas finally getting kicked off of Project Runway--and Christopher getting saved from the bottom two yet again * discovered the joys of Hulu for myself and watched the latest Treehouse of Horror episode (AWESOME) * ate pickles with cream cheese before bed * felt disgusting |
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| Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 |
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Reading Harry Potter always makes me so happy. In other news, the a-mail was sent. I just hope he feels free to take as much time as I did... Speaking of mail, we got the letter from the OP today with a gift certificate for a free pizza as compensation for the kerfuffle we went through on Friday. Did I mention that it was Tim Mom complained to, and on the same day that he'd reached out to me after all these years? Well if the name "Tim" he gave her didn't confirm it, the letter did. And what's really weird is that his handwriting is EXACTLY the same as mine and I'd NEVER realized it before. It's actually kind of startling how similar they are. You can be sure I'll be in my room tonight scribbling out my mom's name and address a few thousand times just so I can compare. That's just the kind of girl I am--the creeper you've come to know and love. And be creeped out by. And fuck you, Blurty, "creeped" is too a word. I've been doing my six miles a day thing again since Sunday. For some reason the Gazelle part is getting a little tedious, but that can't stop me from doing it. My toes are starting to feel like they're twisting. I'm not sure that falls into the "no pain no gain" category, but what am I supposed to do, get toe braces? Oh, and my teeth have started hurting. Like either cavity or (yikes) wisdom teeth hurting, and I believe it's the later. Then again what do I know--I thought my wisdom teeth were coming in four years ago and wound up with an emergency root canal. Oh God. Today Eugene stopped his van in front of me while we were walking, and for a moment I was really confused. I'd forgotten just how much he looks like Papa. Kind of made my day a little. Oh, and on my way through the cemetery I noticed Jim-O on one side of the path lounging on his lawn mower and talking to a man in a truck or SUV on the other side. As I passed in between them, I looked up and Jim was flashing the peace sign again, so I laughed and nodded. "Two," he said. "She's got two today. Some days she has two dogs, other days just one of 'em. And sometimes she doesn't have any when they have the day off." The other man laughed. Cute. I've felt really bloated lately. I feel like I have to use the bathroom all the time, but when I get there, not much of anything happens. Great. Just great. Whatever happened to those Olean diarrhea chips of yesteryear? Could really go for some of those right about now. Well this ended up a lot more disgusting than I was anticipating. |
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| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 |
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I've been working on my latest A-mail for a few hours now, and it's actually turning out to be surprisingly easy and amusing. I've decided to stop for the night though and review it a bit tomorrow before I send it. Right now I'm actually leaning towards not commenting on his "I want to travel and see the world, there's so much I want to do in life, blah blah blah" spiel at all, but we'll see what some less sleep-hazed thought has to say about that. Tim is online right now. Writing me another message? I guess we'll see. After all these years, it just feels damn good to have my friend back. |
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| Saturday, October 17th, 2009 |
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| http://www.delish.com/entertaining-ideas/holidays/halloween/halloween-cookie-recipes?GT1=47021 | ||||
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http://paralleluniverse.msn.com/photos/movies/strangers-in-the-house/ "Repulsion" (1965) "Shivers" (1975) "Funny Games" (1997, 2007) "A l'intérieur" (2007) "The Last House on the Left" (1972, 2009) "The Changeling" (1980) "Paranormal Activity" (2009) edit: Oct. 21, 2009 And "Trick 'r Treat," apparently. |
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So... Tim reaches out to me out of the blue at 3:30 in the morning. I've walked 42 miles since last Saturday. Rachel said she didn't recognize me when she saw me on the bridge. And I now have enough money in my account to pay my student loans for a few months at least. Then why do I still feel so shitty? |
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| Friday, October 16th, 2009 |
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Haha. Tim says he would like to... what's that word? Sort of like "hire" but more related to the arts. Well anyway, he wants to pay someone to paint some fairly large pieces of art for him. Contemporary ones--maybe abstract--with only a few colors (sounding familiar?). And I say to myself, "I can do that!" And I say to Tim... well, nothing. Hahaha. Feeling a little shitty today. Still got my six miles in, but what a chore! Didn't help that it was raining half the day as my nose predicted last night. I called RADA on an impulse and they told me they still had one opening for a seasonal position, so I got ready and drove over there, but in that amount of time they'd filled it. But really, I felt better after that situation than after any of my other job prospects on Industrial Street have left me feeling. I didn't even dress up completely going in because I'm tired of putting so much of myself into this and getting nothing in return but a mortified blush and an ever ballooning sense of failure. The lady there even seemed nice too. Damn. Talked to Clint for an hour today. Nothing exciting. Mostly dog talk and both of us droning on about how confused we are. Apparently "I don't know" is the new bread and butter of my vocabulary. I guess I would have known that a long time ago if I ever talked to anyone but my parents anymore. Realized while Gazelling that I've walked 36 miles this week. I just wish I had a better way of monitoring my progress than trying on my graduation gown and seeing how much it billows now. I did try on my prom dress a week or so ago, and that was a trip. It fit better than it did back then--it was even, dare I say it, a bit too big. Still I wouldn't mind having the chance to wear it again. I think I could rock it now in ways that 18-year-old Kelsey could ever imagine. Hey to the Ya. edit: COMMISSIONED! The artsy-hired word is "commissioned." The more you know. |
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| Thursday, October 8th, 2009 |
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Forgot to mention the other day... It struck me on the 6th that I haven't made my applesauce in awhile. After reflecting for a moment, I realized it was a month to the day since I made it last. Strange, I thought. Then I remembered there were thirty days in September, so technically a full month would have gone by the following day. And on the 7th, without hardly a hint of a craving, I made a big bowl of applesauce. Enough about that, though. Tonight was the annual horse sale reunion with the relatives, and in continuing the tradition of years past, it was even more awkward and forced this time. I should not have gone. Ugh. Amy told me I'm "looking good," but that just reinforces my notion that Mom is telling everyone I'm trying to lose weight, which is the last thing I want. I'd prefer the results to speak for themselves, and that way if I screw up, I won't have the greater population of my immediate world watching anxiously at the sidelines. New A-mail today. It was a bit of perfect timing too, as I really wanted the diversion, first of all, and secondly, today was the first day I said "Okay, now" instead of "please not today, please not today" when I checked my inbox. It started out with a bit of flattery which I was more than happy to receive, as it related to my artistic abilities and not to my eyewear this time. But then it got worse. He mentioned traveling the world again, not once, but THREE times. THREE! He said he even had a long, deep discussion about his future plans with his friend. If Emma has taught me anything it's not to make serious assumptions about the feelings of others before they reveal them to us. Then again, she had no idea Mr. Knightley was in love with her when it was obvious to the rest of us (well, me anyway). Am I wrong to suppose that here is one of the places he wants to visit? Unfortunately for him, that's still the last thing I want at the moment. And the contrasts between him and the other pet of my secret dotings, Jack, aren't doing the poor fellow any service. Oh, great. What to say, what to say... or as my hero would have it, "So how should I presume?" Mom's made pumpkin bars for her trip tomorrow, despite the great pumpkin shortage of Ought Nine. Smells gorgeous. |
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| Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 |
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I had the most unusual walk today. The world was in tumult--I left the house and one half of the sky was blue and glowing, the other side dark gray and brooding. The most playful of rains trickled down on me for a moment near the beginning, but I knew it would be short lived since the clouds were moving so quickly and beyond the raincloud was sunlight. And the wind! It was blowing my hood up for me, then whipping it back down. Then there would be these breaks of eerie stillness when the sky would open up and the sun shone right over me, warming me even though it was cold all around. It was like being in the eye of a tornado. In one of these moments, I thought to myself that this must be what it feels like to be loved. And the world seemed to answer. So I carried on an audible conversation with no one and with everyone, with the world and with myself (so long as I could be fairly certain no one was withing listening distance or near enough to see). There was just this spark all about me, and it felt as if someone truly was listening. Later of course, it began pouring down upon me and I had to head for home prematurely, but I'd prefer a million walks like that one to my one mile on the Gazelle. Yeesh. Anyway. So you know how I have these weird Emma like thoughts about Jack? How I've met him once, and that three years ago, and now I suddenly get the impression that we'd make a good pair? Well, apparently we have something else in common. Something he just changed on his profile. He talks to himself a lot. |
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| Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 |
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"Why didn't someone tell me last night when we was at Wal-Mart that Buster ate my eyeliner?" (pronounced 'ahh-lahhner') Thanks, WE TV. |
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| Monday, October 5th, 2009 |
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"I don't know you, but from your wall . . . I think you are probably the coolest, funniest person on here. Love, love, love the Buddy Holly thing. Going to check out your artwork now." - Lisa Ha. Thanks, Miss Fults :) Edit to yesterdays post: walked SEVEN miles. Followed by another 4(.1) today. Whew! Mom made Chex Mix tonight. OH. MY. GOD. It's weird... now that I'm losing weight I'm starting to realize how very happy really good food can make me. And I don't feel bad about that. Chex Mix, for instance, makes me giggle with happiness because 1.) it's de-fucking-licous, 2.) we rarely have it, and 3.) it reminds me of the holidays. So what's there to feel guilty about? Good ice cream can make me do the same thing. And non-foodwise, fireworks. I'm a strange girl. Journey was on Oprah today--the new and improved Journey, that is, with the fabulous Arnel Pineda. It was so good I actually cried and applauded. What a cutie. Ha, I added Ross on FB today. Yikes. Apparently I'm a fan of short stupid quips at the end of my sentences now. Thanks, writing degree. |
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| Sunday, October 4th, 2009 |
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Walked six miles today. Realized last night that there's not much that can beat a room with pink Christmas lights, a fan on low, a bed with a down comforter and puppy, a thermos of cool water, and an old episode of The Simpsons or two. Oh yes. That's about it. |
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| Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 |
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Done, da done done doooone! Feel kinda bad it was so little about him... but really, what am I to do? Sleep. Didn't get my mile in like I'd wanted, but this was a workout in itself. |
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Blurty for Nuwanda.
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cheerful.
sore.
thoughtful.
tired.